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He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed. -Albert Einstein- We have what appear to be a clump of three dead Elm trees teetering on the water’s edge between our two docks. The one wedged in the middle is dead for certain, the only thing holding him in place are the two nearly dead ones flanking him. I don’t know why I have assigned a gender (him) to the three of them but likely because they seem big and gnarly and masculine, like the type of man that I would cross the street to avoid. For five winters now, we keep expecting them to fall into the water after a storm or heavy snowfall, but they consistently surprise us with their stubborn attachment to their birthplace - the earth that roots them and continues to feed them. They do seem to have lost their ability to flourish as the two that remain somewhat alive, only produce a minimum of leaf growth on a couple of branches - the only obvious sign of life they present to the world. Why won’t they give up? Their trunks are full of holes, large and small, created by woodpeckers. The bases of their trunks have been whittled by beavers. Most of their upper branches have been snapped off by wicked winds over time. And yet, each spring, just when we think the previous winter has laid them to rest, they prove us wrong and sprout some leaves. I never really thought of myself as a “tree-hugger”, but I have become more and more respectful of nature and the environment in the last couple of decades, so until these statuesque Elms are well and truly dead, I will leave them be. The thing is, they are an eyesore along our shoreline and they actually pose a threat to one of the docks as they lean in such a manner, that they could land on it, possibly destroying it, if and when they give way. If assisted suicide were a viable option for trees, I would support their choice. My father is an old Elm tree now, the only thing keeping him alive are medications and some ancient inner desire to live no matter the impact on the people around him. Perhaps this sounds harsh but it is the reality of his life now. He is incapable of caring for himself in any way. He cannot walk or talk or feed himself. He mostly sleeps and when he is awake for short periods of time, he cannot communicate. His existence is reliant on the other Elm trees flanking him. Namely, my mother and the many caring nurses and health care workers at the full time care home where he withers away. Why won’t he give up? This is not a unique scenario. Countless families around the world have been on this gruelling journey. Watching a relative, once a vibrant, functioning being, lying in a bed with nothing left to give and no quality of life whatsoever seems inhumane. I have advised my own friends and family to just hold a pillow over my head and help me along to the next world if I end up like that. With any luck, I will know when my time is coming and take care of that business myself. I am not afraid to die but I am terrified of not living. Perhaps it is time for me to have a chat with the dying Elms - a planned farewell ritual of sorts. I could get some Sacred Sage sticks for smudging and dance around the base of their trunks on a full moon and chant some wise words to guide them into the next life. Would this be the permission they need to move on? I really grapple with this - being dead while you are still alive. Why the prolonged and agonizing departure, reminiscent of that one person you know who takes forever to say goodbye at the front door, like bloody Columbo, his cigar raised slightly,…”and one more thing”. Ugh! Just go home already! My father’s time has come. The Elm trees time has come. Giddy up. #deathanddying #assistedsuicide #lifeisfortheliving
6 Comments
8/7/2022 07:56:21 am
Love this... it seems so inhumane that we can put our beloved animals to rest when they can no longer chase a ball or get up off the floor... but we watch our seniors just lie there. UGH. Shoot me. I had a few trees taken down. A few that were leaning toward the cottage, and a few dead ones. I'd call a tree feller, or get your man a chainsaw. Quotes for tree cutting are all over the place but ask about "chop & drop". Crank up the fire pit and put the trees to use. xo
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Deb
8/7/2022 09:06:30 am
Yup...we have it all wrong. And thanks for the support...in every way. xo
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Patti
8/7/2022 07:24:55 pm
I want to join you for that dance during the full moon as I too am terrified of not living. All the best to you and your mom during your dad’s final journey.
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deb
8/8/2022 03:27:57 am
We should make it happen. Thanks Patti…it’s a journey you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.
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Cuz
8/8/2022 06:25:25 pm
Everyone has their idea as to what their final days should look like. I don’t think your Dad would have wanted them to look like this. We should be given the choice. Let me go with dignity. Save the taxpayers the money of keeping me alive and my family the agony of watching me slowly go. Hugs cuz.
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Deb
8/9/2022 05:30:48 am
I can’t imagine anyone would choose that ending. 😟
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DEBunked.I see nature as a metaphor for life. Please join me on this journey down the garden path as I explore life through story - a shovel in one hand and a camera in the other. Archives
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