The Lyrics of my Life...RIP Gordon Lightfoot

The passing of Canada’s legendary Gordon Lightfoot has had a profound effect on so many as we mourn the loss of one of our (babyboomer) generation’s musical geniuses. I have been contemplating my own personal memories of his music for a couple of days now. The power of his lyrics were undeniable but for me it was more than that - it was life changing.

My first husband was a huge fan of his music. Until I met him, I was a fan but not to the degree he was. As the few short years of our marriage played out, I grew to appreciate Lightfoot’s music more and more as his albums were often gracing our turntable on rainy weekends. It wasn’t surprising then, that I bought tickets to see him at Massey Hall in the late 80’s to see him perform live. A birthday present.  It was the perfect gift…or so I thought.

Long ago memories can be blurry but I have never forgotten the feeling that overcame me that night as I sat next to my then husband. If ever there was a sense of foreboding, it was the moment Lightfoot started singing “If You Could Read My Mind”. It was as though I knew months ahead what was coming. As the lyrics filled the concert hall - “I don’t know where we went wrong, but the feelings gone and I just can’t get it back.”. As much as I wanted to deny what my intuition was telling me, I knew our marriage was on it’s last legs.

As we both sat listening to that song, this gigantic elephant in the room was sitting on both our hearts and when the concert was over, the walk to the car was silent. We didn’t talk about the show. It was as though we were both afraid to talk lest the words neither of us needed or wanted to say were ready to leave our lips. It wasn’t the right moment. It was raining. It was a late October night in Toronto - cold and wet - a foreshadowing of the months to come as our marriage unraveled week by week.

I wonder how many broken hearts have been made feel unrepairable as they listened to that song? The enormous angst associated with those lyrics is immeasurable. Isn’t that what all great art can do? It just knocks you over with a feather. Did Gord write those lyrics with someone in mind in his own life? Turns out, he had. It was one of his most personal songs written about his failing first marriage. All I know is that I cannot hear that song all these years later without thinking of my own first failed marriage, a memory as ancient as those old albums we played on that turntable. Did his heart ache every time he performed it? How could it not?

My life is filled with memories and the songs that accompanied them. A similar scenario occurred toward the end of my second marriage. Different artist. Different song. This time it was a road trip to South Carolina. The song was on a mixed tape I had made for the drive. (remember those?) This time was different in that I was the one that had “lost the feeling”. As
Nelly Furtado’s voice filled the car, I could feel tears welling up. I had to look out the passenger window, my head turned so he couldn’t see my obvious distress. “Now our love’s floating out the window, our love’s floating out the back door.” I glanced over at him to see if the lyrics were registering with him at all but it seemed I was the only one who was relating to the song. This time it was me who would do the leaving. It didn’t make it any easier.

I guess this is not so much a tribute to Gordon Lightfoot as it is a proclamation about the power of music and well written lyrics to imprint memories on our hearts and minds that stand the test of time and become ingrained into the fabric of who we are and where we came from and how our lives have unfolded individually and collectively for millennia.

As for me, and my path to the here and now, let’s just say I am glad to report that Mick and I consider “At Last” to be “our song”.

I am hopeful “Third time’s the charm.”


AT LAST
- written by Mack Gordon and Harry Warren

At last
My love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song

Oh yeah yeah
At last

The skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clover
The night I looked at you

I found a dream, that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to press my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known

Oh yeah yeah
You smiled, you smiled
Oh and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
For you are mine...

At Last