Whilst I was gallivanting around Australia the last three months ticking off a few bucket list items, two significant people in my life were back in Canada running out of time for such frivolities. To say I am not sloshing around a murky puddle of guilt would be an understatement. I was having fun while these two were preparing to meet their maker and there is nothing fair about that, no matter how much I try to justify my moments of awe and wonder with their battles against disease and pain. I thought I would be home in time to see them both again, but my risky bet proved a losing proposition. I half expected to lose my father while I was away. It was a miracle he lasted as long as he did and his death was expected. But my friend Mary? That was not supposed to happen. I found out about her illness just before I left in December but I assumed (wrongly) that she would not go as quickly as she did. For her sake, I am glad she did not suffer for long, but for my sake (my selfish sake), I am crestfallen that she didn’t wait for me. We became friends through work in 2009 and remained friends after I left the company in 2012. She was perhaps the spunkiest woman I had ever worked with. She was fearless of authority - her fiery Irish roots and snappy retorts were legend and she did not suffer fools gladly. I loved her for that. At the same time she could waltz through a room with elegance and style like no other. She had done some modelling in her younger years and it had served her well. She never appeared rushed and even when she was stressed it never presented outside her calm demeanor, her gait like that of a graceful gazelle. Despite her appearance, she had plenty going on inside that she mostly kept to herself. Once she got to know me, however, she began to share details of her life with me and that is when I became more and more impressed with this woman who shared an office space with me. She was perhaps the most giving, generous, nurturing woman I have ever known. Her devotion to her siblings and nieces and nephews went above and beyond what most would consider too much. She had no children of her own, but she cared for her family as fiercely as she might have her own offspring. I daresay, I am quite sure I could never live up to her in this regard, should life ever throw so many challenges my way. It was to be admired. Mary arrived in my life at a time when things were pretty topsy turvy. She helped me through some very difficult weeks, months and years when I faced separation, major moves, career changes, family strife and more. Through it all she was one of my biggest cheerleaders, always there to lend an ear, a hug and moral support. Not much phased her and she had this Florence Nightingale-like bedside manner and ability to just roll up her sleeves and get on with it like it came naturally to her. I will never forget one incident in particular when she came to my rescue at work. This story may not be for the squeamish, but I am going to tell it anyway. I was presenting a design plan to some clients one day at work when I suddenly realized I was beginning to hemorrhage. I excused myself from the meeting and Mary met me in the hallway on the way to the ladies room. She could see at once that I was in trouble. She took me by the arm, led me inside and just went into action. She sat me down, said “don’t move, I’ll be right back.” She went and explained to my clients that I had a family emergency and had to leave immediately. She returned to me and said, “take off your skirt” as blood had seeped through my clothing. She filled the basin with water and started to rinse my skirt and my hosiery, while I was busy trying to stop the bleeding. She never flinched. It was as though she had been through this sort of thing a million times. I was utterly mortified and embarrassed and she was cool as a cucumber. She then got my coat, laid towels on the seat of her car and took me home. She did all the explaining to my boss and then followed up after work to make sure I didn’t need to be hospitalized. Her care giving skills were stellar. She was my heroine that day and it crystallized our friendship going forward. In addition to the quality of her care giving, she was a talented interior and landscape designer. We shared a love of both so it was no surprise we often bounced ideas off one another and had a common bond that drew us together from the start. When Mick and I bought our beloved Kyeema North, her enthusiasm for our “cottage style decor” sparked a steady stream of kitschy gifts from her own home that she thought would be “perfect” for our new nest. Now, when I see one of Mary’s thoughtful donations to Kyeema North, I cannot help but pause and think of her - grateful for the times we did share here. I’ll treasure these bits and pieces that once belonged to her - a vintage hand-painted biscuit tin that I use to store ginger snaps, a pair of binoculars in a weathered leather case that we use daily to view the wildlife out our windows, yellow irises she divided from her garden and now grow in mine - all these things daily reminders of her generous and thoughtful nature. When Mick and I were separated between Canada and Australia in 2020 due to Covid, Mary went to bat for us calling upon a close friend in Manhattan who knew people in high places that might be able to pull some strings for us between the two countries. She was determined to see us re-united, government policies be damned! She really wanted to help despite the odds. Never a gal to sit back and hope for the best, she always fought for fairness and she wasn’t shy about stepping into the ring for her friends. I met her shortly after she lost her mother and over the years, I watched as she faced more losses than most could endure in a decade. Two brothers, a sister, a brother-in-law and her beloved dog Keira. I watched as she voluntarily raised her sister’s two children through the tumultuous teen years. She did all this on her own with no support from a partner. How would she have time for one? She was too busy caring for everyone else. I admired her strength and resilience time and time again. It was astonishing. She found solace in her well-tended garden (pictured above). When I learned how she spent her days off; on her hands and knees getting dirt under her manicured fingernails, I knew we had the love of creating beautiful outdoor spaces in common. As any gardener will tell you, it’s the best form of therapy and I am certain it was where she dealt with the constant onslaught of grief she had to face over the years. She had just sold her house and was winding down her career when cancer came calling. She had been thinking about a trip to Ireland to explore her roots and an adventure to Costa Rica to investigate retirement living. It just guts me to think of how her dreams for the future were snatched from her and if there is a life beyond the one we know here, I hope Mary is lounging on a spacious terrace filled with tropical foliage and Birds of Paradise, sipping a cool drink, enjoying a stunning view of the vast ocean surrounded by the family who has gone before her - I think she would like that. I will sorely miss my feisty Irish friend. Gone far too soon. R.I.P. Mary Elizabeth Gahan 1954-2023
6 Comments
Deb
3/28/2023 03:26:24 am
Thank you Cindy. The least I could do.
Reply
Diane
3/29/2023 10:46:41 am
A fitting tribute to a wonderful woman. Taken way too soon. My condolences to you Deb. 😢
Reply
Deb
3/29/2023 10:48:46 am
Too soon indeed. Thanks Diane.
Reply
Carla Bethlenfalvy
3/29/2023 08:33:39 pm
So, so, terribly sad! Sounds like you shared a great friendship, nurtured with mutual interests and love. Such a beautiful tribute, Deb. I'm sorry for your loss.
Deb
3/30/2023 03:29:05 am
Thanks Carla…very sad indeed. 😥
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
DEBunked.I see nature as a metaphor for life. Please join me on this journey down the garden path as I explore life through story - a shovel in one hand and a camera in the other. Archives
May 2023
|